Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

I fucked up big time…..

What a day. I slept in til 3pm. It felt amazing!!!!!! LOL Then my friend picked me up and we ran errands together. Then at 6pm me and him got picked up to go with my friend and her mom to get her tattoo finished. It was the funniest shit ever lol Then  my three sisters, him and me all went to the movies to see 21 Jump Street. It was a really good movie. Overall it was an amazing day. The only thing missing was my hun. Okay we might not be officially together, but we send each other updates of what we are doing, and he wears my braclet and I wear his jacket. So we are more than friends, but not. I miss him. He left for LA Thursday afternoon and wont get back til Sunday night. I miss him :)  I can’t wait for him to get back home!!!!

Today is going to be a good day, I can feel it. I’m going to straighten my hair and do some hair chalking afterwards. :)  Then around 3:30pm I’m going to see Chris at work for his lunch. Kinda excited lol  He makes me so smiley. It’s ridiculous. lol

Yesterday Chris told me he was gonna back off because Steve was getting hella jealous. I told him I didn’t care about Steve and that I didn’t want anything to do with Steve anymore. He said he wouldn’t then. I’m pretty sure he was testing me. Well TEST PASSED MOTHAFUCKA!!!!! lol

Gonna paint my nails now….Hmmmm What color to do?

It’s been a while since I last wrote on here. BUT so much has happened.

This close friend (Chris), who I like very much and who actually likes me back, and I have started talking now. He is super sweet, and actually treats me right and cares about me. I now wear his jackets, like if he was my boyfriend and he wears my braclet, and has my headband in his car. lol I swear I get butterflies everytime I’m with him and even when I’m not I still get them. Since me and him have been talking, everyone says I seem happier. My sister even said I had a glow, and that she noticed I’ve been smiling and laughing more than ever. I hope this goes well…

For the last couple of months I have been talking to this guy (Steve), I guess you can say we were friends with benefits. Well after two months of us talking, he startedtalking to his ex again. Well since then we faught all the time, and then he started treating me like shit. Well I ended up giving him three chances and he fucked up all three times. Then after I started to not care anymore, he realized that he was losing me. Well he tried to get me back, and he even told me he had feelings for me. I told him we could only be friends and nothing more. And the scary part. He asked me to move in with him tonight. I know right???

DILEMA:

After I told Steve I only wanted to be his friend , I started talking to Chris. Well Chris is Steve’s close friend.

DEFENSE:

I can’t help who I start to like. And Steve fucked up, so I’m done with him. And on top of that he kept pushing Chris to get with me, because he said we would be good for each other, so why is he complaining?

WHAT I’M GOING TO DO:

I’m sticking with Chris. He makes me happy, and that’s all that matters.

One of my close friends knows I like this guy. So what does she do? She starts talking to him and leading him on. And she said he was ugly and not her type cuz he was “fat” WTF!! Then maybe you should fucking stop texting him. You are just playing with his heart. I will HATE you if you hurt him. God I hate females!

I haven’t gone home since Monday night. I got into a big ass fight with my mom, her boyfriend, and my 13 year old brother. I ended up slapping my moms boyfriend pushing my mom and my brother. I have bruises on my arm and chest and a big cut on my finger. I’ve been staying at my friends house with my dog. I hate not being able to go home. I feel like a bum. I really hope my friend don’t get tired of me. I think today I am going to WOMP to get my mind off shit. All I need is some WOMP in my life!